Survivor Series is coming at you from Tampa, so you can guarantee the Dead Man can hoof it across town to make his match. All I know is I ain't buying this one. Reason: just look at the card. Most exciting PPV in recent history, my ass. Taker's 10th anniversary and the match with the Dudleys are the only two things I see worth ponying up money for and other 7 suckfests negate them. Well, enough bullshit and let's get down to the nitty gritty.

 

 


Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Triple H


My Pick: HHH, even though they fucked up his face turn. Someone must have been getting jealous of someone stealing some of their face heat. cough*Austin*cough

Will Win: Austin, so this feud that's already boring the hell out of me one week out of the gate can drag on and on and on. And even though Steve has 2 moves of doom, he'll look all-powerful against HHH (whose face turn I was really looking forward to), along with assured interference. Gag me with a fuckin' spoon- this is reason number one not to pony up money, even though HHH is a hard worker.

Winner: None actually. No Finish. Just like last month...

 


World Wrestling Federation Championship

Kurt Angle vs. Undertaker


My Pick: I have to go with Undie on this one. It's the man's 10th year anniversay with the company and even if he wears bad stretch pants and looks like a demented pirate sometimes, he deserves at least one more run with the belt. I just hope it's a clean win, because he's picked up every other one with a screwjob due to interference by Flair, Hart, and the McMahons.Kurt's been around less than a year; he has no right to carry the belt this soon, even though he's a talent. I guess I'm just too damn old-school in that train of thought.

Will Win: Kurt, I'm afraid. Vince knows Taker is a company man, and will lay down for the win. It's sad but true.

Winner: Kurt Angle

 


The Rock vs. Rikishi

 

My Pick: Rikishi, just due to his heel turn, the fact that he lost Two Fools, and got himself a cool evil entrance theme. That and he doesn't do that goofy stinkyface shit anymore.


Will Win: Like they'd let Rikishi win this one, unless the Rock swerved everyone and goes heel, which is very, very doubtful. And this match is reason no. 2 for not getting the PPV.

Winner: Rock

 


Chris Jericho vs. Kane


Yep, it's all about the (MIPBism alert) love here. And before you ask what I'm smoking, just look at MIPB for an explanation in their MIPB for Dummies section under "Romance." Just hope the former daisy chain wearer (X-Pac) doesn't get jealous and decide to interfere with this budding relationship. As for a winner, can you even put the price of victory on a match when love's involved? But if I have to, I'll go with Jericho, for my pick and will win categories. And all this started over coffee, then escalated to Kane hating the Pretty Folk? Yikes, you'd swear Russo was back in booking. Nah, he can't be, or we would have seen a Duck or Viagra on a Pole match by now.

Winner: Kane


Six-Person Tag Match

Steve Blackman, Crash, Molly Holly vs. T&A, Trish Stratus

 

My Pick: I can't believe I'm saying this- I want T&A to win. Not only do I now have more respect for Trish, but I'm loving those T&A APA segments.


Will Win: Blackman and Co.

Winner: Hollys and Blackman

 


Women's Championship

Ivory vs. Lita

My Pick: Ivory.


Will Win: Lita, after giving Ivory the Hysterectomy from Hell with her often- botched moonsault.

Winner: Ivory

 

 

 

European Championship

Steve Regal (or William Regal, if you have to get markish about it) vs. Bob Holly

 

My Pick: Gots to go with Steve. No only is he slick in the ring, but he's playing the pompous heel really well and is slick on the mic. He's really grown on me with this gig, as I never even watched him much as the "Real Man's Man" gig with flannel and hard hat. Sad to say that Angle's lost a step or two with it since taking up with Steph-Steph, but at least I have Steve to fall back on for sheer entertainment.

Will Win: Same

Winner: Regal by DQ

 

 


Survivor Series Elimination Matches

 

Hardyz, Dudleyz vs. Right to Censor, Edge & Christian

 

My Pick: Even though I dig ol' E&C, along with Dancin' Stevie's crew, I still love my Dudleys, even though they're paired up with one of my not-so-favorite teams. And I'll support any team they're on.


Will Win: Edge & Christian and RTC

Winner: Dudleys and Hardys

 

Gunn/Chyna/Dogg/K-Kwick vs. the Radicals

My Pick: How in the hell did K- Krush (or whatever his name is now- Bisquick, Nestle's Quick, Kwick-e-Mart) make it so far up in the ranks in only one week to make a PPV? And why is Patterson smiling so much now? OK- I've found the connection. Y' know what- any match with Road Dogg, some guy who looks like he's from Kriss Kross (whose talent, if any, will go unnoticed due to being hooked up with Road Dogg-- talk about a heat zapper), and Chyna automatically means tune out and bathroom/food break. I don't even care, but I have to go with the Radicals on this one.

Will Win: The lame-ass team of whom I only care about is Billy.

Winner: Radicals

 

 

And now for the totals (out of matches that actually had winners):

My Picks Correct: (4/8) (50%)

Will Wins Correct: (4/8) (50%)